geez, I understand completely how you feel, but I wouldn't label you as a fake. Don't be so hard on yourself by calling yourself a fake. Avoiding a painful subject is a very REAL human reaction. I would say you/me/we all do this as a protective mechanism to avoid getting hurt, to avoid being embarrassed, to avoid being invalidated and dismissed. My T knew from my first phone call to her last summer that I was looking for a therapist to help me with all the horrible effects of CSA, but it wasn't until the middle or end of January of this year that I completely started to open up to her about all the horrific experiences and memories. She said I had to learn to trust her and know that she was completely on MY side and that she will believe me and not leave me if I shared the worst of the worst with her.

I completely trust her, and yes, I still struggle sometimes with telling her the intensity of the effects of my abuse because of my residual childhood fear of rejection and abandonment, but my T always makes sure that I'm clear about the fact that she isn't going anywhere, that she isn't going to love me any less for anything I share with her, that I'm brave for sharing my pain with her, and that she's very proud of me, no matter what.

What I want you take from my VERY long post is that you're not being a fake, you're being protective of geez. You are probably afraid of what would happen if you shared your secret with your T. I can almost assure you that your T would be so, so proud of you and be honored that you chose to share your pain/secrets with her. You've probably had people in your life who have beat you up emotionally, don't beat yourself up for needing support. It's okay to share and be open about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with your T, no matter how long you've been in therapy. You deserve nothing less than to be heard, and I hear you.