jazzy, you write so eloquently! I appreciate every word of your reply. I'm sorry you are going through the same thing but that's why your post touched me. When I talk in therapy about past experiences, the main feeling that comes up for is feeling helpless or powerless. I felt that way in the past and I feel it very often in RL too. I agree that I shouldn't give my T so much power over me. I've done that with 5 Ts in all. I've got to stop! My T wrote in my email for the week (even though I talked to her she agreed to still email me, for which I am very grateful )

" I care about you very much and want our work together to help you feel happier in your real life. We'll keep working on it".