I'm not really asking a question I just need to write and maybe have someone tell me that they understand.

I've written some things about this before, but I'll try to keep this brief and get my point across.

I'm 28, but have never had a desire to have a relationship. I've had crushes, but never cared if they would turn in to anything. A lot of my friends from high school are getting married and having families, but I never felt any jealousy about that. I was happy for them, but never envied them.

Then a few months ago I started to get to know someone from work. In a nutshell, I really like him and would love to be in a relationship with him, but he doesn't want to be in one. Apparently it is not the right time now. However, I am "important to him" and he can't seem to go a day without talking to or texting me. I'm taking things that he says with a grain of salt. He is a good guy, but I don't think he is really that into me, yet he doesn't want to admit it. So I am trying to accept that fact and move on.

But it is really hard. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Before I met him I never had a desire to be in a relationship, but now I could see myself marrying him and having a family in the future. He is the only guy that has ever had this effect on me which makes everything even harder to deal with. Now I'm feeling real loneliness for the first time in my life and it hurts so bad. I've started seeing a therapist for the depression and anxiety I have been feeling from this. But it keeps getting worse. I think about quitting my job on a daily basis, don't want to get out of bed even though I can't sleep, and can't concentrate on school.

I'm starting to become jealous of other people. How come they can be in a relationship with someone they like, but not me? I can't stand it when someone says, "you'll meet someone else." My brain doesn't work that way. Me being this interested in someone is a rare event. I can count on two hands the number of guys that have shown interest in me in my life. I didn't have any interest in those guys at all. Now, I thought, finally here is someone who likes me too, but I guess I was wrong. I thought we were dating these past few months, but he apparently thought we were just friends. I don't understand how our views can be so different.

Everyone single person in my family over the age of 18 is in a relationship and so are all my friends. For the first time I feel so lonely, but I don't want attention from just anyone, only him.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I try to become interested in other guys, but it doesn't work. I'm not interested in dating. I'm only interested in him.

I can't find anything to do that will get my mind off of him. Nothing interests me anymore. I used to have interests and hobbies, but not anymore. Most of the time I wish that I had never met him. I should have never taken the chance and stayed by myself. I used to be a happy person. Not anymore.