Wow Jofo! I'd say that was all pretty huge myself!!

I think its pretty major to think that anyone in your life could be a murderer, let alone someone that was in a very trusted and custodial position, with you at a very defenceless age. I'm sure a million scenarios are pouring through your mind.

But I guess thats what you need to let happen - let those thoughts pour 'through' your mind, do not hang on to them, and do not revisit those thoughts once you have looked at them.

The facts are that a man was in your life and he was in yours, and during that time, you both made each other happy. You both enjoyed spending time together and I'm sure he has as many happy memories from that time as you do. As an older person, you now understand the twists and turns that life throws at you that are too complicated and beyond the understanding of a child. However he was then, Whoever he was then, is what still matters to you now. You don't have to alter your memories to reflect current circumstances. Everyone is fallible and everyone changes, including those who we have idolised as children, and including yourself.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I think it is shocking what has happened. A person took another person's life. And you were, for a time, that murderer's step-child for all intents and purposes. I think as a society we are so used to hearing about horrific acts perpetrated by one human being against another that we are guilty of becoming immune to the gravity and enormity of the crime, and have simply stopped 'feeling' the result as a whole because we hear about it every 5 minutes. If we did feel the horror/fear/disgust/apprehension etc each time we would be stuck in a permanent state of alarm. Instead we minimise/block/ignore. I don't think either way is right or wrong.

Although what has happened is not about you (my heart goes out to the poor person who lost their life, and their family who is now grieving and have the rest of their lives to try to come to terms with their loved ones' untimely and distressing death), you are nonetheless entitled to have a gamut of emotions surrounding this.

Remember, keep talking about your feelings, thinking about it, but more importantly, remember to be letting it all go as you do. No hanging on to it.

Hope this offers you something...
kp