Dear cmlwtcos, I do so agree with what Open Eyes said. It was my first and second thoughts as reading your words. And, I think its difficult to be in a place of depression while also feeling a lot of light. Perhaps I think of depression as a sort of closing off from the light, in a way. Its still there, and you are still light. But the connection might be more difficult to recieve. And yes, it can feel like a burdon. But then there are the times of openess to that which is of light and love. And those times feel so much easier. Either way, weather you are feeling depressed or not, you are light.

Most importantly, do you think that perhaps you on a soul level were at the wonderful solstice celebration? I do think this is possible. If so, then perhaps you did not miss it at all. Perhaps you were right there.

Nature, earth, surely loves you. And will always love you. Earth and nature have the wisdom to know that you do what you can, in the moment. Even when you cannot do the rituals. Perhaps its the heart's intention that speaks volumes more than even rituals of light and love. It sounds to me like your heart's intentions are love. I am certain that nature knows this full well. Btw, I am not wicken. But I do honor the beliefs. Blessings to you.

I always worry about posting here at pc. I hope that what I have said is okay.