dizgirl, I didn't mean to overlook your reply! When there are too many pages I don't know how to answer everyone. Sorry. I appreciate what you wrote. I have to think about whether I want to keep telling T my feelings for her so she'll love me. It makes sense because I wish she would feel the same way about me as I feel about her. But that won't happen, I know. Strange, but the reason I went to therapy is probably because I needed to find a safe person to care about me, so it's hard when the relationship IS the reason. Yet I have to get that in RL, not from my T.

When she lets me call her, like yesterday, and emails me with caring, and then sends me a link to something she thinks will be interesting for me to read, that's good enough for me. She's never sent me a link to an article before. It means a lot to me but I know it's part of her job and she's doing it for that reason, to try to help me. I'm trying to accept that there can be a middle ground with my relationship with T. It's caring and compassionate on both sides, but it's still about my paying her to help me with my issues.