Good Luck! There are a few things that I have thought about as my part in my marriage not working...the I wish I could's...

I wish I could have loved her in ways that meant to her that I loved her...really listened to what it was that in her mind said yes he loves me. I wish I had been forthcoming about my feelings. I hid my feelings from her and rarely if at all let her in on what was going on inside in my mind. I wish I had been more assertive...I was so passive...and I was so afraid to point out problems I was having with her for fear of having a disagreement...

So the 1st 2-3 years after I filled for divorce, I spent much time pointing the finger at her...it really is only the last 2-3 years I started accepting my role in this...

So I cringed a little when you said not having your feelings matter...I think I get what you are saying in terms of balance...but I really think that it is a blending of feelings and brain that will get you through it...I've learned to deny one leaves very little footing.