Well, I think the gap is truly a gap - between what we would like our life to be like, and what we feel our life IS like. I have had many dreams about gaps, about being on one side of a great divide and wanting to/needing to get to the other side, but its immense and deep and in my dreams I feel hopeless, frustrated, but still wanting to get across.

I also think there are gaps because we missed things, developmentally. Feeling validated, feeling heard, being seen, our own little selves being allowed and encouraged to grow and explore, to wander off to explore yet know it is okay and that the safe base will be waiting in our primary caregiver/s. There are things we all need and I think of some of those things are not provided, or are inadequately provided, then it leaves gaps. I think the process of therapy that includes being validated, encouraged to explore, encouraged to allow ourselves to be seen and heard, provided with a safe base - helps fill that gap enough so that we can go out in the world and find more relationships that are kind and encouraging and fulfilling.

How to use the word aloneness in a sentence? I tell my therapist that when I'm aware of my aloneness, it can feel like the floor has dropped right out from under me. I tell her what it is like, what it feels like. It leads to talking about other things, things that happen before I feel the aloneness, or what relieves the feelings, or when it feels okay and when it doesn't.

All that said, when you tell your therapist about feeling lonely and what that is like, and notice when it happens, and notice when it is relieved or goes away - in the discussion about it, is there a response from her that you are wanting but not getting from her? Are you feeling like she isn't 'getting' it? You say she is missing the point. Can you tell her this and tell her what you mean by it?

I have told my therapist about meltdowns I've had, or times of very intense emotions. Several of those times I asked for an additional session, and/or called her between sessions. We've talked about it and she's referred to it, and she was helpful during it, but I always feel frustrated that I can't seem to explain it right because it feels like she is minimizing how it is when she rephrases or refers to it. I've sat there with clenched fists saying "I just can't explain it right!". We talked about it again recently so at least now she knows that I feel like I'm not getting my point across to her, that she isn't fully appreciating how hard and painful and intense it is for me. Probably she does, but I think there must be some expecation there that I have, but that I'm not aware of yet. Expectations are exceptionally hard for me to grasp that I have.

So, how would you like the session to go, where you talk about loneliness and she get's it? What do you say? What does she say? Does she comfort you? Reassure you? Do you imagine that she has a solution, but isn't sharing that with you ? (okay, I'm projecting here because that is something I do.)