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Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 8 months. He treats me wonderfully. Does anything and everything I ever want or ask for, treats my daughter (whom is not his by blood) like his own, he makes me laugh all the time, we ALWAYS finish eachothers sentenses and we always say the same thing at the same time. He's amazing and makes me so happy. But I have insecurity problems and they are effecting our relationship.
I used to weight over 200 pounds but have since lost 80 pounds putting me at the low/healthy weight range. Before the weight gain when I was a toothpick with the perfect flat belly I still wore shirts into the pool, shirts non stop no matter the activity, I never wanted others to see my stomach or breasts. Since I lost the weight I now have all of this extra skin I have to carry with me and since being pregnant with my daughter had me at my absolute highest weight, I have stretchmarks everywhere. It's horrible and makes my insecurities much worse.
So I hate my body and don't want to see it. Naturally however my boyfriend does. We have been sexually active for a year and a half and I still wear my shirt, cover myself when he comes in the room and pull away from him EVERY time he tries to life my shirt up the slightest bit. I know this upsets him, he told me it does and I want to stop.
I want to be more confident, more comfortable with my body so I can give that back to him since he gives me SO much, but something is stopping me. I'm not sitting there thinking every time "if he sees my body he will leave" sometimes I'm thinking nothing, it's just reflex to turn away, to block his attempts and to say no to him. I've been doing it my entire life.
Has anyone else had trouble with insecurities such as these effecting a relationship? I just don't even know how to get over the insecurities to start to work with him on this. Any advice on this would be so much appreciated! I don't want to lose him and I know I wont from this but I can't keep making him settle for bare minimum. I want to be there for him fully I just don't know how. Thank you in advance for any comment or advice!
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first, congratulations on losing that kind of weight - that's an amazing feat.
second, it sounds like you have an amazing boyfriend who loves you and accepts you for who you are, plus accepts your child....you are very lucky to have that.
If you read Cosmopolitan or any other women's magazines, they will tell you that most men aren't really looking at a woman's body and scrutinizing it the way that WE do when they see us naked - they are looking at us and thinking about how much they want to have sex with us - he already loves you and he has a good idea about your body from hugging you, etc.
As far as getting over the insecurities, I think you have to start by finding any little thing you like about yourself, whether it's a curve or a freckle or a collarbone, and focus on the things you DO like about yourself, instead of the things you DON'T like about yourself. Once you feel more comfortable with yourself, it might be easier for you to be more comfortable with him.
I hope that helps a little - it sounds like you have an awesome guy there and you are awesome too.
