Thanks Cam,
My doc is a psychiatrist, and I am no longer onLithium, it has been for about 2 months or more, he saw I was slipping too much into the depressed state for too long (about 6 months) and that I was not really a "typical manic" manic depressive, mor of the bipolar II, which I've been diagnosed as, which leans more to the depressed side to start with which tend to have more severe depressions than bipolar I people, with the risk of suicides being higher than that found in the bipolar I's, which I've read to be the case most often, I'm only going on by which I've read. This is why we switched to Lamictal but still kept with the Topamax also (100 mg), I am wondering if maybe it is the Topamax he needs to increase, I just called his office and left a msg. for him to call me about this idea. You see I started to see myself requiring less sleep, similar to 2yrs ago when this all happened, it got so bad I was existing on 2 hrs. of sleep a day, and even functioning, getting A's & B's in college oh and yes, churning out papers for the classes like a machine, wow, amazing what a little mania could do! ha!ha! It is a good thing if one could harness it, but we know how it eventually wins most of the time
I've done my reading on the kindling effect, that whole phenomenon is frightening in itself isn't it? God, how I wish and a million other people too, for a "real" miracle cure, it scares me so much to think I can eventually get worse someday, and possibly lose total control, you never know!
When I get real sad and mad about having this, I say at least when you have a terminal physical illness the beauty part is you eventually die, it kills you!! This kind of illness tortures your mind and your families too, and sometimes to the ultimate extent that you lose the battle too, to death, the possibility of suicide. Sorry to lay such a grim picture of this on you and our viewers but it is important that people see the reality us bipolars have to deal with everday of our lives, for the rest of our lives even though we have meds. that help we still have to deal with those "sneeky break through episodes" and they are down right "mean" and give us quite a "battle" beyond what anyone's imagination.
Besides all my ranting, I hope you are having a "great day"
BTW You need not be so modest, you are terrific, I'm not buttering you up, dear!!

"darkeyes"

"darkeyes"