I was wondering, how would those of you who have experienced 'mixed episodes' describe them? I've read online all they entail, etc, but I want to know how someone going through one would describe them.

I think I may be bipolar but my problem is this - I don't recall ever being 'manic'. I've had times where I feel great and kinda overly happy I guess but I think that's normal. You know, sometimes you just get in a good mood for no reason. You smile, you laugh, you have the good jokes, you wanna talk a lot...I've experienced that. But I just don't consider it manic.

But recently I went through something between mid January and February where basically...I can't even describe it. I was depressed as hell, but my mind wouldn't stop thinking. I was ALWAYS thinking thinking thinking about one thing or another. I was feeling all these things at once (anger, sadness, frustration, apathy) but I would never ever be able to truly describe the way I felt.

I've always been able to get through the "depressive" times because I knew eventually I'd be out of it and feeling good, maybe even great. Sometimes I can go all day without 'thinking too much' and I get all this stuff done, go places, see people...I just feel awesome. Then out of nowhere (even though I KNOW it will return because it always does) the depression. Getting out of bed? Too much. During my last depressive thing I failed a bunch of test (didnt care about the class, test, grades, school...) and I barely ever got dressed. It was really bad, one of the worst I've had in a while. But now? I'm great. I'm doing my homework, getting things done, writing my papers, laughing, going out, being silly.

I don't know, maybe I'm over reacting. I just feel like sometimes I'm on this rollercoaster and I never know what emotion I'll wake up feeling from one day to the next. Sometimes when it gets bad from one hour to the next. Stress can be a trigger, but I've also noticed that sometimes it can be summer and I have no school or stress and everythings going great when I crash.

Anywho, I was wondering about what you all felt to see if maybe what I was going through was a mixed episode or something? I don't know. I just want some answers or some insight. I appreciate you all reading my long ramblings.