I REALLY appreciate everyone's replies. A lot to think about, and so much wisdom and caring, and it means a lot.

My sons event got rained out, so I ended up going to my women's 12 step meeting instead...which was still good because I got to connect with people. I have some kind of crazy ice pick headache and literally almost drove to the hospital, but I just knew I HAD to connect, no matter what. And I did, and I survived, and I'm home now with Aleve and an ice pack.

I've been trying to notice happy moments - moments that are genuinely happy, not things I'm TRYING to pick out (if that makes sense). It is a happy thing to find responses to my thread. It was happy to get a big hug from a friend tonight. Lightning outside makes me happy. I'm happy that I can rest with this ice pack because my younger boys are in bed.

The more I can notice the "happy" in the middle of the "sad" or the "pain" or the "scared" or the "lonely", the more I understand that both can be there at the same time and somehow it soothes me.

I you guys and I am so grateful to have you.