Because it isn't you, it's depression talking. It tells all of us the same garbage, the same type of lies. I'm sorry you are feeling so! It isn't good to self diagnose, though.... you just can't know everything to look for!

Yes, DocJohn wants us to reuse old threads as much as possible, but no one will make you do this...especially if you monitor yourself (and few members who are concerned tend to spam hehehe)

Not having control and NEEDING control is a problem... I encourage you to follow through to find someone who will help you for the long haul, and hope you can begin to heal soon