I got upset today.. a little from anxiety, a little from feeling abandoned, a little from being ignored and feeling uncomfortable in a situation.. Eventually it boiled over and I stormed off, headed for home near tears. My friend did chase after me, and it was like one of those 'movie moments' that we're told never exist in real life.. But I ignored him. I pretended he wasn't there. I didn't say bye, I didn't look back, I just went home..

He's called me a few times since then, making sure i'm okay, pleading with me to tell me what was wrong.. and I cannot bring myself to say why. He's actually already guessed every single thing that was bothering me.. But I keep denying it. I've gone as far as claiming that he was being silly, that I was fine and happy and I said bye and nothing happened.. This friend is capable of seeing right through me.. and I don't know how to process it. My other friends have said it's better to just come clean with the truth and explain what had been upsetting me.. but the chance comes and instead I explain that whatever he's apologizing for never happened.. at all. And it's not like I joke when I say it.. I say it hoping that somehow he forgot and would believe that me running out of the mall was just a nightmare and what really happened was I gave a big hug and had to go home for dinner..

I don't understand this denial. Usually I'm the type to say when I'm mad, say when I'm upset, and come clean about everything. I've never been one to hold back.. So.. Why is something holding everything back.. Is it guilt? Embarssment..? Am I going insane? What? I don't get it. This isn't like me.. I'm not even mad anymore.. I feel fine.. as if it really never happened.. and the memory of it seems to be getting more and more fuzzy, more and more dark that it's almost as if my mind is blocking it out.. It's only been a few hours.. I must be insane..