i'm only just coming to terms with-and accepting-that i possibly have a family of alters within. originally there were only two: a mother figure who used to chastise me and on two occasions over 20 years, simply hounded and goaded me, until i obeyed her, and tried to suicide.
however now having experienced a knife attack, multiple rapes, car accident - i have isolated, left my job etc. basically my t has suggested that i do have manifestations of dissociation mainly due to overwhelming stress. like anyone with this, he says it is a fragmentation of the ego to which i respond with a day-night reversal of sleep, ambivalence towards the partner who threatened me with a carving knife. i only shop at night-i find too many people over stimulating, i choose to forget-almost making excuses for my attacker; i sleep downstairs with the lights on so i have escape exits; i go into tears or dreamy behaviour when i just stare at a carving knife in a shop; and panic if i see a child with a knife innocently cutting a birthday cake. when i explode, i can't remember anything after the emotional level gets too high-i am viscious/cutting and swear i believe to the max. i can't remember what happened say yesterday;need a diary etc i'm scared-constantly of the nasty mother figure who only sort of talks to me when i've had a long sleep and no medication; i refuse to be sedated- i feel i need to stay in control. i don't drink or use illicit.
i apologize for my extended response. this is my first time here, i have never really thought of myself as having DID. ....but now? on social network sites, i have 10 people-a family who are all versions of me and i won't allow friends. Is this DID? how can you tell? only the tests and a psychiatrist-spoken of by amandalouise refers to the testing.
i am frightened. my t-apart from medns-is treating me behaviourally, attempting me to take control and responsibility for my own inappropriate anger and aggression.
I have lived like this now for 3-4 years-i used to be reasonably high-functioning. i'm scared a bit tired and i am very okay with leaving this group if i don' 'fit'-again sorry for taking up so much space.
blessings to anyone who has been listening,

sunkiss