Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
I emailed my T today (something I don't do very often, maybe once a month?) and told her that I've been looking for a new T, and asked her what she would say to a new T about me if she had the chance. I gave her the name of one T in particular that I have been exchanging emails with, and asked her if she knows this T and if there is anything about her she might want to share with me.
I thought sending the email now will give her a few days to think about it before I see her on Monday. Because, yes, as of right now I'm still planning on going to see her again. I just really don't want my relationship with her to end this way, on this sour note, and I have hope that we can find some resolution before we are done.
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What is your motivation for emailing this to T? This sounds like you have decided you don't want to repair the relationship. DBT skills, like DEARMAN GIVE FAST are skills that could help you with the relationship, regardless of whether you want to stay with her or not. You might want to find another T, and that is fine but it's not something to throw out there in an email and it sounds manipulative to me. Like you are trying to get her to beg you to stay. If your goal is to repair the relationship, this doesn't fit with that. Even if you do find another T, you say here that you dont want to end on a sour note. This sounds like another empty threat because you are basically telling her that you are done, which you have said many times before but you are still there. It sounds like you are trying to provoke T. Part of DBT is learning how to be in relationships, including the therapeutic relationship, and how your behavior effects others.
just want to clarify what i mean when i say "how your behavior effects others". I don't mean that you have to take care of your T and worry about your T's feelings. That's her job. What i mean, and is meant in DBT, is your behavior can effect others in ways that can make people withdraw from you, not want to be around you or be in a relationship with you, not want to give you what you want from them etc. Our behavior has a great influence on how others see us and treat us. That is what is meant by that.