I turned my step-sister in to Children and Youth Services the other day for beating her kid. I gained no support from anyone for doing so...not even from my T. My T actually made excuses for her behavior! I don't understand it! So I told my abuse T about it. She asked me how it made me feel...well all of it made me feel like I'm bad and that I'm not important. I've been thinking a lot about everything that's been happening with this. It's like everyone around me thinks I'm doing the wrong thing...why? Because she's my step-sister? I don't care who she is...I see a child being abused and the abuser is his mother...it needs turned in and the kids need taken from her...for good this time.

Tonight I've been thinking of my step-sister. All she's done not only to her kids, but also how she's treated me in the past. She is a very volatile person and is very aggressive and violent at times. I remember in my early teens being terrified of her. I know I've told people here of my hygiene problem that I had in my teens when I was really depressed...that I never left my room. But a lot of the time I wouldn't leave my room because I was afraid of my step-sister and her mother. I think my step-sister is now more cruel than her mother ever was.

I just keep thinking about it all...right now I'm really terrified just remembering everything...and the fact that I'm terrified that when she finds out I turned her in she'll come after me next. A big part of me doesn't care what she does to me as long as her kids are safe and free from her abuse, but another part of me is terrified to know what will happen to me when she does find out.

This is just a waiting game now.