Thank you for all of the responses. Allme, it is very good to hear that someone else with bad esteem issues get through it and over it. I've thought about talking to him about it so many times. I've tried to talk to him about it but I'm so closed up about it I only tell him part of the problem little by little and it leaves him confused and still not understanding him. I think the only way I will be able to come out and say it all is to just show him what I hate. That thought scares me though.

Thank you as well Evening. Your comment was very helpful and I am sorry you are dealing with this as well. There is so much pressure for us to be perfect it seems nearly impossible not to have some insecutiry issues.

Jaded, thank you for your kind comment! I am rather happy with myself for the weightloss, it was hard and I realized just how much willpower I had that I thought was not there. If only the weight gain had been that hard to put on! And my boydfriend is amazing, I feel blessed every day to have someone as incredible as he is in my life. I know that he wont think any less of me when I show him, it just doesn't stop me from feeling that way. I guess I have to live up to what I try to live up to in every other aspect of my life.

I try to seperate my feelings from what I know to be true. I have learned not to trust my feelings about myself in situations like these and have been working toward understanding and putting into action what I feel verses what I know if that makes sense. I guess I have to do it in this case as well. I feel he will leave me if I show him but I know he wont so I have to overcome this feeling of fear and stick with what I know, that I have a good man who loves me no matter what my stomach looks like and in the end will be happier when I stop being so sheltered from him in that aspect.

Oh it's a never ending battle in my head. On the road to healing but theres a speed bump every inch of the way. Thank you for all of your posts. I wanted to show him last night, I thought about it non stop. I will be swallowing my fear and letting him in my insecure world tonight. Thanks for the courage you all have given me to do this!