So, I have been under a psychiatrist's care since Oct. 2008. The first 2 or 3 appointments were nerve-racking as I didn't fully trust him yet. After that I trusted his expertise on my need for medication, but still did not really feel comfortable opening up to him about some of my issues. A few visits later I was able to do that as well.

Then in Aug. 2009, I moved back to the town where I grew up because I missed family. I wasn't doing well alone without anyone nearby that I knew. I've always had problems making friends. At first when I moved, I got a new job...but didn't have insurance yet. I told my pdoc that I moved (but didn't tell him how far away) and explained the situation to him. He said he would see me at a discounted rate, so I kept seeing him out of pocket. Then in Sept. 2010 I got a full-time job and benfits. My new insurance kicked in Nov. 2010. My pdoc was still covered under my new insurance, so I continued to see him.

I kept not looking for a new pdoc closer to home because I didn't want to go through the trust issues again. I figured it was easier to stick with the same one who I was able to voice most of my concerns to. Even if sometimes that had to be in a letter or email.

Then, last week I decided to look for a T to help me with some of my problems that I would rather not take medication for. In calling around from the list I looked up with my insurance online, most were not accepting new patients. I finally found one who was, but they said as a new patient I had to make an appointment with a T and a pdoc. I didn't think to speak up and say I already had a pdoc, so I went ahead and made the 2 appointments (T for next Friday, pdoc for Sept...first they had). Afterwards I felt really weird about their "policy" for appointments, but figured I could always cancel the pdoc one after I saw the T. Afterall, they can't force me to see the pdoc, at least not to my knowledge.

Then about an hour later, one of the T that I left a message for called me back and could get me in Tuesday. She works for herself, not under a pdoc, so I could make an appointment with just her. I made the appointment and then called the other place back and cancelled my other appointments saying I found someone who could see me sooner.

Now, I am thinking that I should have kept the other appointments. Maybe the need to make an appointment with a pdoc too was a sign to me that I am supposed to find a pdoc closer to home than my current pdoc. Right now I drive 75-80 miles one way to see him (about an hour 20 minutes one way). I just don't know if I could trust someone else prescribing me medication. I don't mind the drive though, so that really isn' t a "problem". I just don't know how "realistic" it is.

Should I tell my pdoc how far I am driving and ask him what he thinks? I am afraid he will say to find someone closer. Is my trust issues something I should maybe bring up to the T when I see her Tuesday along with the issues that I originally set up the apppointment for? Then again, I will have to learn to trust her as well. Even if I am advised to find someone closer to home, I would be able to keep mine for at least a few more months, since I doubt he would say no during the transition period, if the new place couldn't get me in until Sept. But again, I'd rather keep the one I have. His office staff knows me by name and I am treated like an individual and not a chart number when I go. My pdoc even knows my name without having my chart in front of him. That says a lot to me.

Also, when I talked to the T I am going to see on Tues. on the phone and breifly mentioned my issues, she said mentioned Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I posted another post about that and someone responded with links. I visited some of them and now an really nervous. I don't know if I want to go through CBT. Do you think the T will try to start it on the first visit? She emailed my an appointment confirmation, so I emailed back basic questions that I forgot to ask on the phone, like if I should arrive early to fill out paperwork and if I needed to bring anything. She said she keeps the paperwork simple and all I needed to bring was a photo ID and my insurance card. I am also nervious about what may be asked on the paperwork. What kinds of things are asked?

Sorry for my long post. I tend to ramble when I am nervous and have a lot on my mind. Anyone have any input on the finding a new pdoc thing or anything else I have mentioned?