((((((((((((karrin))))))))))))
We are here, we are listening.
Please know you can PM us anytime if we can be of any help to you.
You are doing a great job, this time of immense confusion will begin to settle.
There was a small section within the mountains of DBT work that hit home for us when nothing else seemed to get through. I'll share it with you in the hope it offers you something in the moment:
Turning the mind
Acceptance of reality as it is requires an act of CHOICE. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You have to turn your mind towards the acceptance and away from the "rejecting reality" road.
You have to make the inner COMMITMENT to accept.
The COMMITMENT to accept does not itself equal acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is the first step.
You have to turn you mind and commit to acceptance OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes, you have to make the commitment many times in the space of a few minutes.
For me, acceptance of what everyone around me was telling me was my reality was just too much. I couldn't move forward in therapy, or in life in general. I wanted to move forward, but acceptance was just too big a step. For me, I found the COMMITMENT step prior was what I needed, a handrail for me to hang on to, keeping me facing the acceptance path, having a breather, so that I could take the acceptance step 'all' together when I was ready, but also allowed me to continue w therapy and life stuff.

Thinking of you,
kp