<font color="purple"> Parts have been flooding me with memories for the past 15 hours or so. I try to tell them that I know that there is stuff that they want to tell me. That I cannot deal with it all at once. That they need to help me by not flooding me with it. I feel as if we don't fit in or belong anywhere. We surely didn't fit in with our family or their "friends". Only for what they wanted us to do for their sick and twisted wants and desires. I want to crawl into a hole and pull the dirt over me. Feelings are getting to me as well. Safe touch and happiness is what I want, but this little child in my head and in my heart tell me, you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. Have support group to go to this afternoon, but in the mood I am in, don't want to effect everyone else there. Don't want them to feel uncomfortable. Just want some peace, but that little child inside keeps saying: you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. Want to fit in and belong. This world keeps going on and on around us and surrounding us with their stuff, but yet they don't see the suffering of someone else. Don't understand the pain and heartache someone else is going through and they don't care. Just want to be loved and accepted. Safe touch is a major craving. Someone to hold us, to give us a hug and say your ok, but yet: you ain't getting it, your a freak, you don't deserve it, you are no good, your bad, no one likes you anyway, no one wants to do anything but sick and twisted stuff to you, you don't belong in this world, you don't fit in, your just plainly disgusting. It plays over and over in my head. The memories, the feelings, the voices of a heart renching, pain stricken, heart broken, wounded child. I'm tired of feeling that way. Just want it all to go away. </font>