shoez,

None of us want to go down the hard road but sometimes that's where the real help is.

It does sound like you need to speak to someone who can answer some of your questions.

It does make sense. You want some help understanding what you are experiencing.

I'm no expert by any means but if I were to make a guess as to what you are experiencing I'd say you were very aware of alters. I'm DID but not fully aware of all my 'parts' (my preferred term). you seem to be very aware of their activities but are perhaps not quite convinced that it's down to alters. I can't stress enough how important it is to remain calm. Keep a journal, write in it everyday. Also write notes and reminders to yourself to stay calm and do some research. If you don't think you can handle that then I suggest you fix to see someone who can help you understand what is going on.