Some time ago I read a blog post by a T who said that there are 2 kinds of "good" people. There are those who are more or less "naturally good" because they have healthy self-esteem, genuine empathy for others, and they aren't particularly judgmental toward those who aren't as good. They are "good" because it's basically a part of who they are and it's not something they feel they have to work at in order to be liked or cared for. They are aware of their own "badness" but they are comfortable enough with themselves and others to realize that all people are both good and bad, so being "good" just comes naturally to them. They don't need to pay special attention to other people's boundaries because they realize all people make mistakes and if they inadvertently cross a boundary they can apologize and quickly move on because it doesn't destroy their beliefs about themselves.
Then there are the "good" people who are afraid to be bad. They try to be meticulous about other people's boundaries and they tend to judge those who aren't as "good" as they are. They can't get in touch with their own "badness" because those emotions in themselves and others are too frightening for them so they ward them off by actively striving to be as good as they possible can, so that they can avoid feelings and thoughts that are very distressing to them. They are the people who are afraid to really know themselves because they can't tolerate the thought of what they might find -- being "good" is what they hold onto because they don't have enough healthy self-esteem to be "bad" without letting it define them as people. If they inadvertently cross someone's boundary, they are very upset with themselves because they need to be good and they need to be seen as good. They work hard to hide their "badness" from both themselves and others.
I think he's right, because in reality people are both good and bad, hurtful and loving, strong and weak, capable and incapable. My own T always tells me that people who aren't afraid to know all parts of themselves -- both good and bad, hurtful and loving, strong and weak, capable and incapable, are those who can tolerate all those aspects in other people as well. They don't set up a false dichotomy between "good people" and "bad people" because all of us are both.