geeeez. I went back and read the first half of that thread again. I can't believe it has been 2 months of basically trying to connect and failing. There have been moments of true connection in that time, and I guess that's what kept me going back, but wow. A lot of misses, too.

What strikes me, besides the raw emotional pain I expressed, is just how much my Ts words, her "rules", have changed in those 2 months. I guess what she started that day has taken time to evolve and ripen, and what at first was, I think, a request to call for reassurance less often has turned into telling me to call for coaching only, and then a pattern of not returning or delaying returning those phone calls requesting coaching.

It looks like T is just stretched impossibly thin right now and can't seem to figure out how to remedy that. She is asking me to back off, and I am doing it, and she just keeps asking more. Meanwhile, I've gone through this huge medical problem and am still going through it, which hasn't helped with my emotional vulnerability nor my ability to learn to cope without T.

The last week or so I have been feeling better and I am much more able to find what I need within myself rather than looking for T to "help" me. I truly doubt that this T can actually help me anymore, I think what byz said way back in April has shown itself to be true: the connection is irreparably broken. It just is. It's not Ts fault and it's not my fault, and it doesn't matter if it WAS someone's fault. It's broken and blaming or analyzing isn't going to help with that.

Thank you for helping me figure that out, PC. I'd like to ask that this thread be closed now.