im having a hard time with denial....
ive been dealing with this problem and multitude of its consequenses for several years....
but part of me just doesnt want to believe it!
i feel like im brainwashing myself if i try to just believe it...
see i can hardly even say it.
"bipolar"
i would just rather it not be true and i also have a coexisting problem with being a bit paranoid, somewhat "delusional"
i think nearly everything is a conspiracy.
i even get so sucked into my "delusions" that i think there is more than one motive going on inside my own mind.... like maybe its munchausen syndrome and i just dont know it... thats how bad my denial is!
(if they are indeed delusions and not real which i doubt)
so its really the doubt that prevents me from really seeking help or even acknowledging the "bipolar" behaviors....
i just dont even know what to do.