I'm sorry that your therapist's comment was so triggering for you, PTSD. I think some people view the term "victim" in exactly the terms you mentioned--hopelessness, devastated, traumatized, needy, looking for a pity party, the dreaded word "manipulative" etc. Personally, I don't view a victim in those terms. I guess I see it like the police do, a victim is someone who was the target of a criminal act. It's how the person processes or fails to process her victimization that seems to demonstrate whether or not she is able to move on or she gets stuck in the trauma drama.

Some people don't need any help following a traumatic episode; perhaps they were born very resiliant or maybe they have a LOT of IRL support to assist them in moving through the processing of the episode(s). It's people like myself (and perhaps you), who doesn't have the resiliancy and/or IRL supports that caused me to get stuck in the past. In my case, I didn't develop the coping skills to deal with intense emotions when I was very young and consequently, when I experienced years of abuse from ages 7 to 12, I had no idea how to handle the aftermath of overwhelming emotions. In a sense, I just stopped growing emotionally. I'm also pretty sure that there was a genetic/biological component to my vulnerablity and difficulty with intense mood swings. My trauma was not the sole reason for my life difficulties! In any case, I fell back on unreliable, childish defenses. When I was a child, these things worked for me; they protected me from the devastation that threatened to destroy me. . . but they only worked for a while.

As an adult, those defenses weren't reasonable or workable. I couldn't relate to other adults in the way I needed to--I could function in a job, but I couldn't develop intimate and lasting relationships with other adults. I could have a circle of friends and/or acquaintances, but the deep, abiding relationships that other adults had weren't possible for me. I needed someone to guide me through the process and help me build new defenses and coping methods. I needed someone to help me grow up in all areas of my life and become a fully functioning adult. I didn't happen, however, with my therapist telling me to stop "doing that stuff". It came through her modeling how to work through problems, helping me process the fear and self-hatred and developing new coping skills. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that I still fall back on old, familiar behaviors every once in a while.