Now one can say, thats life just get over it. Well, I thought that was what I was doing all these years. I am a very productive person and I did keep trying to get over a lot, learn things I didn't know, (All about alcoholism, all about CSA, all about, forgiving infedelity, years of dealing with someone who was not nice, well, because that man couldn't deal with the guilt, and I did the whole forgive and try so many times)

But what I had not expected was that all that time it was causing damage. And I can't quite understand why it has all come together and has this effect that is called chronic PTSD and there is another description called complex PTSD. I don't quite understand that if I have a memory and I did work to get through things, why is it all coming up together and causing so many unwanted feelings, feeling that others don't understand, feelings that I and others have tried to explain and others don't understand. I know it is still trying to be understood and studied, because it can be very debilitating. And in that new study this term becomes a catch disorder to explain many emotional and psychological stress anxiety, and it is a depressive disorder too and everyone who has something bad happen thinks they now have it. But that isn't true, not for everyone and it can depend on the trama and perhaps a struggle with many traumas. But it is real and it has to be respected. And I have to say it is a hard nut to crack.

Open Eyes