It’s just so hard. I want to so badly right now. I’m getting weaker. I want to give in and have nothing else to do. I want the pain to be brought to the surface.

I want to get there, I truly do but it’s so hard. I feel like I’m all alone in this.

This is the first time in a little bit that I have wanted to hit an artery or vein. I want to feel something. I want to bleed a lot, I want to get stitches, I want the ache and the pain, maybe even to bleed out. I want it to be bad, really bad.