***Trigger warning for Suicide, hospitalizations, cops.***

Brief History....I have PTSD, have had many hospitalizations, but the last one was about 9 years ago, was once charged with a felony for beating up emergency personnel when they were trying to take me to the hospital. I quit my meds (Zoloft) cold turkey about a month ago and became CRAZY from doing that. I have been back on the for like a week and a half - two weeks now. I am still waiting for them to take affect.

Anyways, now on to the problem....I am TERRIFIED of therapists, but I NEED to go because my mind is so messed up between having PTSD, 2 people in my family recently dying and still waiting on my meds to work, which is making me crazy.

I have an appointment for therapy Tuesday, but am TERRIFIED ! All I can remember is that therapist I had that called the cops on me because I was suicidal. The cops and ambulance came and I was cornered and TERRIFIED and the cops and ambulance people were VERY nasty to me, so I went into fight or flight. I couldn't flee, so I fought. I kicked everyone's butt that day. In the end I got charged with a felony for my actions. I took me over 10 years to get that felony pardoned and expunged. In the meantime I had to live as a convicted felon and had a very tough time finding housing or a job because of it. I am TERRIFIED of trusting another therapist, yet I need to go see one because my mind is getting so crazy.

Any suggestions? How should I cope? What should I do? I am TERRIFIED of therapists !