Email has become a problem for me. I've always felt like i needed to have contact between sessions in order not to feel anxiety about the therapy relationship. I'm not completely sure what causes the anxiety or what it is about. I just know that it is an urge to have some kind of contact or communication with her, and if i get that, then the anxiety goes away (unless her reply includes something that feels offputting or that i don't understand).

The worst part is the waiting to hear back, or if she replies that she's too busy for my concerns. Then i feel humiliated for making myself vulnerable like that and being turned away. I end up feeling angry with her for not caring enough to give at least a short reply to my concern, and angry with myself for being needy and and bothering her in the first place. This usually results in me feeling rejected and then pulling way back in the relationship, which my t feels as distancing. Part of the problem is that my t always replied in the past, and now she has changed things, and it's hard to get used to without feeling that she doesn't care about me as much as she did before.

I've decided that, even though it makes sense that my t would sometimes be too busy to respond, it triggers my rejection and abandonment issues too deeply when that happens. So I'm finally at a point where i just don't want to email her anymore.