"When therapists create a ... 'Plan'..."

One time I opened up to my T and told her that I denied seeing her at times because I didn't want to ever feel attached. She replied, kind of in a shocked way and convinced: I don't think you are too attached at all. Your doing well to me.

Well, what if T's well and my well is different? IDK .. maybe its not.

but, for the past 3 or so months..I've been forcing myself to see T less,
so much so, that she thought we should create a plan where I see her a certain amount of times a month, so I wouldn't worry about when to make an appointment...

anywho, i've gone a month without seeing her many times before, or two or three weeks or one week...

Well, ever since we decided this new "rule" of sorts, I feel troubled, and I also feel troubled that I am attached although my T doesn't think I am. I think the attachment lessened but, came back as life got increasingly hard and I began to distant myself from people I use too be close too.

I think if my personal life was better, I wouldn't feel this need as strongly, because this use to not effect me as much as it does right now.
in this current moment..

However, I'm sick of denying what I want all the time. done it for 3 months. And right now, I wish money grew on trees cus' I miss T and need someone to talk too and don't want to wait until 3 and a half weeks to talk again...The plan was to meet with her for 90 minutes once a month.

I suppose I could tell her through an email, in brief, that I'd like to see her but, then I'd be breaking the rule/plan we just came up with. and I'd be abusing my student loan money, as I have to take 25 dollars out of it a month in order to afford it. Then, I combine work from my job to complete the payment. I don't like it.. I just want to see T and talk and talk. Really though, I wish I was a happy enough person to NOT need T at all. Thats always in the back of my head, you've been with T a year and a half Jazz, thats far too long, get better already! I tell myself. My dad stopped paying for it last year, so that didn't help my confidence at all either. blahhg. I swear, the first day I walked in therapy I thought I'd be in there for a couple of months, maybe 3 or 4? Has this happened to anyone else? Thinking they would heal a lot faster than they have? I had no idea I had so much personal stuff to work through...