Hell, I could've writen that; I'm almost exactly the same way.

I've always been a very solitary person, and I think that after so many years the desire for solitude has become an unconscience defense mechanism against the unknown and gave me a sense of security being alone. That's all changing for me though, as it has brought me a feeling of a lack of control.

Hahaha of course, my dysthymia doesn't help things in the slightest; I have a bit of a problem getting physically aroused which has given me a sense of shame and feeling like even if I did find that someone I wouldn't be able to do anything and gives me an aversion to physical contact.