last night was thoroughly insane. first the arguing over the bills stacked on the dresser and then a trip to the local bar which was rather a disaster and then i'm home sleeping off a whopper when the cops show up in the middle of the night with my husband in tow because hes been driving with a suspended license (something he never mentioned to me and denies having any knowledge of) and they say hes lucky theyre not arresting him but the cars out on the road miles away and i cant exactly walk to get it cause of the kids and hubby had to call a cab to work at 3 am. and i wasnt sure whether to laugh or cry. whats that saying? the mills of the gods grind slowly but they grind to a pulp? you aint kidding. this morning i was on the phone with an old friend and instead of sympathy she gave me a right good slap, told me to get off my *** and use my god given abilities and dig myself out of this muddy hole i've been wallowing in. and first i cried and called her an insensitive cow and then it occured to me. . . all the crying has gotten me nowhere. nor has the begging, the bargaining, the promising. i'm on my own here and maybe its time to get up on my wobbly feet and take care of things my way. the way i know how. no parents to panic me into a useless ball, no husband to shake his head at the inevitability of failure. just me.
thank you for the support. i dont know what i would do without this place and all the people who listen without judging and make me feel less alone in the world.
so my little manifesto seems thoroughly inspiring at the moment. hopefully i wont fall on my face.