Quote:
Originally Posted by tallking
ok I am a man, at the age of 17, I was in bed one night, and I was thinking of scoring with girls, in two weeks i was going to a concert where a lot of rock and some tropical music bands would play, the concert was here in my city, I was imagining that i was scoring with the girls and making out and stuff, (this next part is going to sound a little ridiculous) I had read a book about something called "the law of attraction", and among other things, it said that when u imagine something, u feel it too as if it was happening. I have to say that i have always been attracted to girls, but well that thought came to my mind and while i was picturing myself kissing that girl I was not feeling anything: Well then I thought "hey im feeling nothing", "what if i am gay?" or something like that, the thing is that since that moment, those thoughts havent left my mind, even when i give answers and answers and answers, they dont go away, no answer seems to be strong enough, or if it is strong, the other arguments come again, and dude i'll tell u that's very disturbing, those thougts are so horrifying.
I am 22 years old now, and this situatin has affected my life in so many levels, my grades are very bad in college, and i feel very scared most of the time.
these days I have been looking in several mental health websites, and I found something called HOCD, or Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Desorder. I think that's what I have...
thanks to u people anyway
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I also agree sexual orientation happens in the womb. First I'll state that we can't diagnose people but I can speculate. I answer questions in the Q&A section and this type of question has come up many times. I think you're experiencing 'intrusive thoughts' - these are thoughts which typically go against what you normally would do or what's taboo to you - for example most would agree incest is a taboo subject. If a person considers incest taboo and starts thinking about it, BUT doesn't feel excited by it, then this is an 'intrusive thought'. If the person has no 'intention' to validate the thought, then it's not a genuine desire. I'll give an even simpler, funny example - I have a dog and 'm a good neighbor so I use pooh bags to pick up the pooh. if the thought of eating the pooh (lol) pops in my head - does this mean I could be a pooh eater? Of course not.
Intrusive thoughts are related to obsessive thinking. The trick is, realizing the more you worry about the thought, the more it will bother you. Think of the thought as an 'invader' or unwelcome visitor and the best thing is to ignore it, but don't worry about trying to stop it. Just let it come and scoff at it - like "oh that thought again".
Since you're young not everyone is educated about homosexuality. Chances are your fear of it, is what's fueling these thoughts. It would help by learning more about homosexuality and asking questions like you did here. If these thoughts don't calm down, then you should consult with your doctor.
If you find this anxiety increases when you're with a woman, this could turn into 'performance anxiety' If you worry about not being turned on by a woman, then the adrenaline will stop you from getting turned on, so don't take this a a confirmation you're gay. Just let the thoughts come and don't worry about arguing with them and hopefully they'll calm down. Hope this helps and wishing you peace with this.