Wasnt sure where to post this so put it here...

Life just really sucks right now....Im in the middle of my 10 days of yearly hell and I cant stand it....the 10 days thing is I lost my son in June 22 2004 but couldnt deliver him till July 2 2004...So I carried him after he passed for 10 days...its been 7 years but its no easier....I hate this time of year with a passion...

Also after thinking and thinking about all the meds Im on..I have alot of health issues so Im on alot of meds for those plus 4 psych meds....Ive cut out the meds that arent life or death medically speaking and have stopped all of my psych meds cept for Tenex which I take for night terrors...So I stopped my Geodon, Lithium, Lamictal cold turkey...just got sick of thinking of all the poison I am putting into my body...and always feeling ill also...ive not taken them for about 1 1/2weeks and flushed them so I dont have access to them...might sound stupid to some but at the time it sounded like the right thing to do....however now some of my old symptoms are coming back....not in full force but they are returning...ive not went to my last appt to see my pdoc and need to reset one etc etc etc... I feel like now I f'ed up and know its part of my cycle...Ive done this many times...sometimes getting so bad them I attempt suicide...Im sure it wont get that bad again...anyway I feel like im babbling so Ill stop...I just really hate myself right now!!!