I can understand your wife's feelings of wanting to feel excitement and desire again--but there is a price to pay. I am going to tell you my opinion from my experiences.

I began feeling like your wife after a couple of tough years when my husband got involved with a woman, moved out, then came back to the marriage--I know this is different from your situation. We went to counseling, but I had reached a point where I let myself begin to fantasize about dating and feeling that excitement again that comes from the beginning of a "love" interest and having "all those options" (lol).

He suggested we continue counseling. My answer was, "But I want to date!" I can see now how ridiculous that must have sounded!

I think it is very difficult to get a person to feel differently at this stage. Because staying is "real" and leaving is a fantasy--full of fun and freedom.

My advice is, in a calm and balanced way (tough--I know), tell her what your boundaries are.

What I know now is that I was afraid of true intimacy that comes with time and allowing ourselves to open up to each other. Neither of us knew how to do this (family of origin b.s.). In my opinion, she has issues that she needs to address probably through counseling at some point. But she may have to remember what was really like being single...times alone, paying everything on your own, arranging childcare, etc.

Best wishes to you.