Jazzy, thanks for the kinds words and you are right. it was not as bad as i imagined. and t didn't hate me.

in fact, t told me i should have called him and not dealt with all the anxiety by myself for ten days. and i told him "but we made an agreement" and he said my safety was more important than the agreement.

i am now calming myself down. it was wretched week, but he did let me keep the picture. and i didn't have to read from my journal and t didn't read it either. he said when i am ready...it was one of those sessions where you feel like you are only there for ten minutes and actually there the entire time. but i did spend most of it crying. that is the first time in over ten years of seeing him
LOL at least i brought in my own kleenex and yes, i did have to blow my nose!!!!!