Hiya Twisti,

I just wanted to share my experience with you in hopes that it will help you not follow the road I paved through hell. I quit my meds cold turkey about 11 weeks ago. For a month mind over matter worked. However, when you have legitimate illnesses caused by a chemical imbalance mind over matter only works for so long. I believe that is why some of your symptoms are returning. When my symptoms started returning I brushed them off as not being that bad. In other words, due to the side effects I was having on the meds, I was willing to suffer much before trying meds again. It ended up landing me in the psych ward (2 actually) for 22 days straight! It was hell. I went in on June 2 and got out on June 24. I was suicidal for 4 days before I decided, or was told rather, that I needed to check myself in. The suicidality got morbid quick. I started planning a certain method then I would get images in my mind of the completed act. The suicidality was much more intense than I've ever had before. It also lasted a full 20 days without a single break in the desire to engage and act on the thoughts I was having.

I'm grateful for the experience as I'm now on much more appropriate meds that don't flatten my affect to such an extent that people start noticing I'm not myself.

I'm so sorry you lost your son. It's awful that you had to carry him for ten days before you could deliver him. I can't even fathom the pain that you have endured due to that. I hope you're in therapy or getting some type of help. It might be that during this time of year you need a lot of additional support and you might look into finding support groups for women with similar issues.

I truly wish you the best.

Love and Hugs,
Tara