Sometimes its hard, but it seems like you know what you want to do. You want to talk to him in person. I think it is the best way because you can see his verbal and non verbal cues. You are a intelligent mature adult, you CAN do this! Think of it like taking off a band-aid. The faster you get it over with the sooner you will feel better. It seems to be that this is going to eat away at you until you finally get the answer you are looking for. You have to do whats best for you, dont keep prolonging the hurt. I think you will find relief from the anxiety once you get started talking. Thats always the way it work for me. I just have to push myself to do what I am frightened of. Then I realize its not so bad and I feel better, a huge weight lifted off of me. I think it better to find out now, then you will have one less thing to worry about and can move on with your life in whatever direction it goes. Hearing he may not want to be with you, they way you want him to will be hard. Is this something you rather know right away? I know I wouldnt want to kill myself over the situation.

Again, do whats best for you! Look deep down inside and see what you want, trust yourself. You will survive this! Be strong and take control of your life, this may be the only one you get. Make the best of it, dont waste your time on someone if they dont give you what you want and deserve! Fight for your happiness and be your own hero. You are stronger than you know.