I can honestly say that I am getting better and I am not afraid of that. I have made tremendous progress in this past year. HUGE progress! I talked with her in my last session about how she felt about my progress and did she think that I was almost finished with therapy.

She told me that I have come a long, long way. But, I am just now being able to look at my issues and accept that I need help to get through them. She said that for a long time I was so resistant that we struggled to get to the heart of the issue and FEEL my emotions about them.

She said that my wall is still up, but it is transparent now. I can see through it, where before it was solid as a brick wall and I could not see through it at all. No one else could see through it either.

She tells me that I am afraid to go through to the other side. I can see the other side of this transparent wall, but I am terrified to actually take the step to tear down the only protection that I feel I have left. I tell her that everyone needs to keep a barrier up, don't they?

Her typical answer, "We are not talking about everyone else, we are focusing on you."

She is right about that. I tend to keep comparing myself to what others do or don't do. Comparing myself to everyone else. Trying to make sure I measure up. She says that is hindering me and we need to stay focused on me.

As for when therapy is over? She wants me to stop thinking about that and live in the present. I guess she is right about that.