Thanks, Rebecca, I'll check it out. Maybe they'd take me, too, and I could help care for the animals as a volunteer. I can't work hard anymore, but I can still give lots of love to critters.
As for the person who said they disagree with my neighbor, I do, too! She's counseling me (she's a retired social worker) to "be sweet all the time, and don't ask him any questions". She says I don't say things the right way! Apparently saying, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day." isn't good enough, I have to kiss his butt and be sacchrin sweet. I am disgusted by people who use phoney sweetness to get what they want, and now this woman is telling me that's the only way to be. She constantly criticicizes what I say and the way I say it. I'm getting really tired of it, but I owe her so much money, and for her help getting SSI, that I am indebted to her. I think she works people that way, getting them beholden to her so she can manipulate them.

Anyway, that's all beside the point, except that I told her today I didnt need any more criticism and negativity in my life right now. I need support and encouragement.

I used to be a strong, independent woman. It's really hard for me to back down and try to be a "good little woman". Ugh! The best I can do is try not to fly off the handle and let my "un" know how I really feel about him. It's hypocritical, but at this point I have to fight fire with fire, lies with lies, in hopes he'll keep giving me a little money from time to time. I've become a ***** at $100 a whack. That is so abhorent to me I could hardly write it. It's funny what we'll do to survive.

That's why I'm looking for another man - or some way to make money that's under the table. (Preferably the latter - I know I have incredibly bad judgment when it comes to men.)I've met too many homeless people who are getting the same income I am. They made a choice between a house or a vehicle, and chose the vehicle. that's all you can do on what the government considers "enough" for food, shelter, and clothes. I guess it is, if you don't need light, heat, water, transportation, or the companionship of a four-legged (or winged-one).

I'm venting again. I have so much rage! Some of it is at myself, for being stupid enough to be taken. Most of it is at people who take advantage of someone when they are down and desperate.

I'm not even sure (absolutely, that is) that my unhusband is really doing that. He shows just enough caring, gives just enough money, to almost let me believe he really loves me, but is really, really, nuts or incredibly stupid, or both. As I progress with my ranting here, I will probably give examples of the stupid lies he has told. It insults my intelligence. I want to scream at him, "HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM???".

What I need is someone (or some people) to help me remember how to cope. I studied psychology, I've been in counseling before, I used to have tools to work with. But now, between all the trauma, the old head injury, the resultant memory loss, and the effects of medication, I'm hard put to remember what I had for breakfast. I don't even think to wash my face or brush my teeth or comb my hair unless I have to go somewhere. It's 8 pm and this is the first time today I've even thought of those things.
You know, remind me of breathing excercises and stuff (see? that's the only one I can think of)......

Boly! I hope you guys have lots of time, to read my epistles! My neighbor is probably right about one of my flaws: "Too many words", she says. "Too many words."