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Elysium · Jun 29, 2011, 09:05 PM

Well Hun,

I can tell you what it sounds like to me, as a reading bystander who also has DID, but it's certainly not a professional opinion...just a personal one.

You speak of the little girl who keeps the warehouse tidy. To me, this sounds a lot like my "Operator". I have an alter.....I don't perceive this alter as human necessarily....more like a process; a process of someone sitting at an old fashioned switchboard pulling out and plugging in lines. This Operator is responsible for sending current, in the moment, experiences to the alter that's supposed to hold that experience. The Operator also is responsible for filing memories away and hiding them out of reach within certain alters who hold them and protect the "me" from them.

I have heard of several other "We's" who have similar types of alters who keep their systems tidy. So your warehouse girl does not sound over the top to me; it's just the way your system has learned to function to cope, and not one person's system will operate the way another's will.

As for the memory recall, the good ones, for me that come back are bittersweet and few and far between. I appreciate the good ones, but it also depresses me because usually when things were good it was just one of my Abuser's ways of building me up to tear me down. It seems that, ultimately a negative memory rides high on the coat-tails of the good ones too....it just kind of breezes on in and cancels out any goodness remaining. It's depressing and very irritating.

My T tells me that these memories will only begin to surface as our core parts become able to cope, but able to cope doesn't necessarily equal ready to cope. The sad and difficult thing is, to stop the memories or keep them in, is to halt healing and hold yourself back, which is torture; but, to experience the feelings and memories and emotions is torture as well.

If you are having more memories, it is likely because on an sub-conscious level, your core is able to handle it even though it is freekin scary and you may not want to handle it.

Something to try....when your warehouse girl shoves a memorie in your face....maybe create a special memory journal. Like you can get lost in furniture and other things, maybe some of your parts can help to take those memories and let them be lost in the journal, so if it feels like it's too much, you can write it down, close it in, and then take it to Ts and have help as you confront it. It's not easy to do, but if you have some co-consciousness with some parts, maybe have an internal meeting and ask them for help to do this. Let them know you need their help to keep things feeling safer.

I hope this is helpful for you and I hope I understood what you were asking.

Take good care!!