Hmm.. I've always been a very reserved person, emotionally and physically. I find it hard to get close to some people, which was never something I had a problem with until recently. For the longest time I've lived in this world where my father was exactly like me (he's also a very emotionally and physically reserved person so there wasn't much "i care for yous/i love yous" or hugs and kisses)and we were both okay with that because we understood each other and i knew that he cared for me even though he showed it in different ways.

With other people though.. it feels like my way of being is wrong.. and being reserved and shy I feel handicapped and don't know how to express what I'm feeling without coming across as disliking the situation. I don't dislike it, but.. I feel that I would be more comfortable if I wasn't expected to show the same level of affection in return.. That sounds horribly selfish which is why I worry about other people's feelings. All I've ever done is hurt other people because of my emotionally unstable (my moods and thoughts fluctuate constantly which is why I tend not to say anything)..

Part of me wants to be like most people who can handle affection like it's just an everyday thing so I wouldn't have to worry about others.. But the other part of me likes who I am, and says that I shouldn't change because then when I get close to someone, or am affectionate to someone it actually means something.. You know it's more than just "oh she hugs everybody and tells everybody everything".