thankyou so much jwabf and jazzy123456 for your replies. I do a lot of writing, word association inbetween sessions to try and make sense of whatever i have covered in session. But havent ever done it regarding the abuse so i think i will give that a go. Thanx jwabf for that info! I've always resisted inner child work not really sure why but i think i've just linked the resistance to not wanting to think about the abuse.
And Jazzy thanx for reaffirming getting support after sessions. I try to make sure i have something planned after each session just incase. I think i am worried about what will happen to me after these sessions because like you i have a tendency to isolate because i dont want people to see how vulnerable i am or to weigh them down with my emotions. I'm very lucky to have such a supportive and compassionate T so i'm not worried about being rushed or retraumatised. Guess its fear of what i will actually have to look at and discover thats worrying me.
Anyway thanx for listening.