Today, I have to take my cat to the vets and I am really concerned about dissociating. I have written down everything I need to talk to the vet about and will hand him my notes. I have known him for a long time and feel comfortable in his presence, it's when my cat starts reacting (which he does) that it sends me into a dissociative state and finding words and responding back, listening and understanding the vet becomes very difficult. The longer the visit the more I loose myself.

He has a complicated illness and the more he ages, the more complicated it becomes. I made the appointment for later on in the day, so my medication will be pretty much worn off by then and I won't have that sedated feeling that oftentimes gets in the way.

I try to break up the intensity of emotions by asking my vet about his family and familiar things (I used to work for him), that helps because it changes him and he smiles and appreciates that I remember such. But making decisions about tests, procedures and just having to think, is almost impossible for me.

I feel a bad headache coming on today and I know it's the anticipation of this vet visit. My teeth hurt from gritting them and now have sweaty palms just typing this out. I have no choice, my cat needs the vet care and the sooner I get him in and on the new meds, he'll feel much better. If I can just get out of my way.