Thanks guys,

While I do know I did not have any control as a child, I came from a home with a lot of physical and mental abuse, very heavy into the pentecostal churches. My dad had suffered a ruptered brain aneurysm when I was 5, thus when the anorexia began. I thought everyone in my family was going to die ad leave me. My dad also suffered from Bipolar which was undetected untill later in life. My family life as a kid revolved around my dads mental illness, only we didn't know this then. We moved constantly. I went to 25 different schools by grade 10.

Also I stated experiencing psychosis at age 10 or 11. I had told my parents and they put their hands on me and prayed an spoke in tounges and cast it out of me, invoking the holy spirit. I continued to have psychosis, niht terror, mood problems, a ton of depression. I eneded up homeless at 14 when my parents divorced, my mom moved to Saudi Arabia. So that was another big thing where I felt had no control.

I worked on a lot of these issues in therapy when I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. I have ignored the anorexia because it has been my main coping tool for so long. And a lot more to do with control than body image. It's the satisfaction of being in control. I know when my moods change it's the first thing I turn to to gain control of something. Basically when anything happens that I feel stripped of control I have this old mean friend to turn too. It's very much like an addiction.

Thanks for all the input. I am really working on it, I am taking in everything that as said here and trying to see how I can apply it, to ake it work for me.

Really I do appreciate every word, from strangers no less, It's more then anyone has said to me in real life.