I do sit with my feelings in therapy. It has been my lifelong habit to be a "good" coper and that meant pushing things away that were uncomfortable, or not even recognizing them, and getting on with life and being functional. In therapy, my T has encouraged me to let those feelings come, to "sit" with them there, in his presence. His encouragement helps and also his validation that it is not childish or non-functional or self-indulgent to let the feelings come. Outside of therapy, I have felt some of these things but can tend to push them away for the sake of my functionality, or I have felt them (multiple times) and yet those wounded places haven't healed. In therapy, I feel and sit with my feelings in relation to another human being. Yes, he encourages me, makes a safe place, etc., but beyond that, feeling in relation to someone else is somehow healing. I don't quite understand it, but it is. So I think his sitting there while I do this is pretty important, even if he doesn't say much.

Yes, I very much agree. And also, it differs from client to client, even with the same therapist. So ideally, that specific therapist and that specific client co-create the individual therapy that enfolds (and hopefully heals). When the therapist is too inflexible and treats all clients the same (not being a good listener would be included in this), then his/her work is not as successful. There is a similar role for the client--when he/she has rigid expectations of the therapist and can't enact some degree of letting go, trusting the process, etc., then that give and take dynamic between the two doesn't develop and this impedes creation of healing work. At least for me, it's very much a collaboration.