Well Illegal,
What you are doing is standing at the edge of a pool on a very hot day and all you can manage to do is put your toe in and ponder about wether to jump in and actually enjoy the pool.
But what you are thinking of is just jumping in the deep end and that is not the way to start any relationship.
You don't have to start by jumping in the deep end, you could take your time and enter by the stairs in the lower end and wander out a little at a time. And, as most do, you get to the point where you deside that you have waded enough and you just dive in.
When you meet someone online in a type of dating service you do converse with them and you seem to enjoy that part. So you have at least started to wade in that shallow end of the pool.
Most of your hesitant feelings are because you are projecting much farther down the road instead of just wading in a little at a time. And I am sure you are jumping ahead by thinking about what if she doesn't like me or visa versa? But you are never going to know anything or learn anything without taking the next step. No one is saying that you are making any more of a commitment when you actually meet face to face. One of the best ways to meet a person is to plan on an activity that you can do together so that you are not sitting across from that person and in a forced situation where you now have to perform something that you are not sure of which intails getting past that awkward feeling and actually conversing.
One thing that you can look for is a person who is outgoing and will be willing to plan an event that the two of you can share. You remind me of a boyfriend that my daughter had where she would talk with him on the phone and really struggle with his silence. She came to me and expressed her great difficulty handling that awkward time. So my answer to her was that before she got on the phone make a list of various topics she could bring up to share with him to initiate conversation. So, liking that idea my daughter took my advice and that young man learned how to talk to a girl on the phone. For years he called her on every birthday and wished her happy birthday, it was so sweet. He learned from her how to break the ice and actually talk to a girl on the phone. And by the way, that advice can be used by you as well. You could plan various topics to discuss in an actual meeting instead of sitting with a what to talk about mode.
Illegal you have to learn how to become a more assertive person and you have not really learned that yet. You stumble with too much selfconsciousness and you tend to wait for rejection. In another thread you talked about job hunting and your projecting a type of failure anger mode.
What that means is that no one has ever been there to take you by the hand and show you how to do it and encourage you in each attempt to engage. Well, here I am, and I know you can learn how to do it. You just havent learned the skills yet, thats all. And you know what? It isn't really as hard as you think. My business has taught me that and I have been amazed at how people can be so responsive to an assertive interaction. Ofcourse it will take you time to master it, but PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
Here is a good thing to read that the Byz put up in another post, could be something good for you to read, I am going to read it myself.
It is called Being assertive: Reduce stress, communicate better.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/ase...SR00042/METHOD
You have to give yourself a chance Illegal, your a good looking man and you just need the polishing, not something everyone just has, it takes time and effort. Remember, you have to do the work to jump into life.
Also a planned activity could include taking a short course on how to cook something or go to a lecture or something along those lines. The focus should be taken off a situation where you are sitting alone "In a coffee shop example" where you are both put on the spot. Remember the wading in. Get your local paper and look up activities and possible one night lectures or learning session etc. that you and the woman could go and do an activity together.
Hope that will help, I would like to see that handsome man in that picture get out and live.
I hate to put it this way but I think the Illegaltoilet needs to flush the crap away.
I just want to add that this link to this way of becoming more assertive can be very useful to many as we all deal with trying to improve our communication skills and work on our own sense of self esteem. We have to be willing to learn and as the Byz has said may times "Be willing to do the WORK ourselves".
Open Eyes