Have you ever wanted to express all of you but didnt know how? I feel like I would really like to explain me, but I don't now how without making it sound like DID. I figured the best way is to get your feedback since this forum are for those with dissociative disorders of different kinds.

The first thing is I don't think I have DID. I don't lose time. I don't have diff voices or anything (pardon me if im offending anyone).
I do however, feel like I have different ways of relating to myslef and the world that are linked chronologically to developmental stages. When I am in different enviornments, different ways come up.
- The functional me is acting most of the time. Im in grad school so I am always multitasking and getting things done. Its like maybe having a whole box of cassette tapes, each with their various sounds that are needed at different times. The functional tape is going most of the time during the day at school. Sometimes thought there is under the a low hum of another tape pressing through but usually never becomes the dominant sound. For each tape, I can place an age on it that would reflect me.

When I get home, usually im trying to keep the functional tape still playing, but the DJ of sorts (which is just my way of saying there is an inner control) that turns up the sounds on the other tapes and the functional tape gets turned down a bit. Sometimes its dualing for which is going to be "louder". Again I don't lose time, I'm very aware. The only thing different is how I relate to myself and others... its just sorta a perception on life maybe? For instance when I go to bed, sometimes there is one that doesn't like sleeping in my bed, but likes sleeping on the floor, in a corner or in the closet. Its so wierd, b/c again, I'm usually present and I fight or ignore the volume of the tape but occassionally I give in, turn my sound down, and relate to the world with this fear and helplessness of when I was a kid.

Why do I care now?
In therapy.. now that I've seen my T consistently, I can have a different tape playing then an hour b4 when I was at school. It takes a while for me to turn that down. In addition, I don't feel authentic in relationships. Most see just a few tapes. Am I supposed to move between with friends? At what level in the friendship does it become ok? I'm not sure what that should look like. I think the "tapes" im describing are just emotions maybe. Its very compartmentalized and I'm not sure about a current new relationship that I've let more tapes play together. Its me but has hints of the sad, scared ?

I'm primarily worried about that. Its like im losing control. I told someone who I know about my ED. Normally I would be scared to death. I wasn't at all, but I wasnt relating from the competent me. I'd say there was a 12 year old tape more loud wanting acceptance.

(so sorry this is so long). I want to address this, but I don't want it to appear that I have DID. I'm not saying my T is stupid, hopefully she will know the difference, but how to I state this accurately.