I, too, think you did a good job of explaining so far!

It is obvious to me that you are still unsure of some of what you feel, and unsure of how you would react to finding anything different than what you now believe. Like... you say this with assurance but also hesitate in case it isn't quite true?

Why not print this off, if you're able, and take it to your T? At the least, copy what you posted and share it with T.

That you have continuity of time is a good thing! That you have that sense of what aspect of you (the 12 year old tape) is in control, or wanting it, is another good thing. imo.

Don't be afraid of who you are, what you feel or think, and that at different times you may want different things (even at the same time!) Nothing you are is a bad thing

Allow yourself some down time. It sounds to me like after a day of working you deserve to relax, yet that work ethic you have won't let you. It's ok...maybe rearrange your personal time, with the help of your T? That might give yourself some permission to play any "tape" you want!